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Break ups to make ups


"How should a woman handle a connection she's had with someone for 4 years who seems he genuinely wants to be with you for the long haul but is unable to because he is having a hard time getting his life together. He's reached the point of being able to pinpoint where he went wrong but falls into a pattern of 2 steps forward 4 steps back every year. Is the woman wrong for loving him no matter what and providing some level of stability/consistency through her presence regardless if they are romantic or not?"

Carla Ashley:

"Good Morning and thank you for reaching out!

I will provide you with a direct response as well as offer feedback via tonight's live Q&A.

Please note that while this forum is here for you to receive dating and/or relationship advice and that this is a courtesy service I am offering to expand my brand and audience. If you should find this advice helpful, please pass the information along. That is my only charge, word of mouth. This is in no way to be assumed therapy, however experience-based personal feedback.

Acknowledgment plays a role in realization of one's faults however a bigger role is that of action. Realizing the error of our ways is necessary and many will admit to their mistakes in life and in the relationships with loved ones. What is crucial though to proving that we see a need for change within ourselves is to develop a plan to take the necessary steps to avoid replication of such errors and executing that plan. Life happens and some things can not be avoided, that is why its always good to have a plan b, c, and even d.

The point is to stay focused on the goal at hand. In relationships, this goal can be cohabitation, marriage, or the expansion of family by having another child and roadblocks may steer one or both parties off track. As long as both parties are there to emotionally support one another equally. Key word: EQUALLY. While financial roadblocks may occur as well to set us back, we should be able to rely on our mates in other ways to maintain stability and consistency.

As far as the woman's obligations in the scenario provided...There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving a person as long as you know what you love about them. Are there qualities and characteristics that overshadow the shortcomings? Are the patterns of where he falls short actions within the relationship or things in his life. Being more specific would allow me to paint a better picture. At some point the woman has to decide if its more beneficial to hold onto a person who seems he could grow more by getting his life in order or setting them free to focus on himself.

Personal growth mostly occurs when we have time to focus solely on ourselves without the need to cater to someone else's needs. When you're in a relationship, every one of your decisions affects the other person involved. When you are alone, your decisions only affect you. Its okay to love a person from a distance for there are many successful relationships that have evolved when two complete individuals are able to love each other wholly.

As far as consistency and stability goes...a good read would be my latest article "Chemistry without communication and consistency is nothing". You may find it helpful in addition to this feedback.

Hope this helps!

I feel guilty about moving on

Advice request 4/17/16