Why do older women decide to date bad boys?
Nothing seemed more appropriate to prompt this blog post other than the semi-new “relationship” between Toni Braxton and Bryan ‘Birdman’ Williams. Now the rumors have been out there for some time that the two have hooked up besides music collaborations on and off for years, but nothing urges me to take it more seriously than seeing her introduce him by calling him onstage at a recent performance aired on her reality show, “Braxton Family Values” this week and standing together for the audience to just take it all in.
Most people that follow the hip hop music industry know that Birdman has not had the cleanest history, however is very wealthy. Toni has suffered from her own heartbreaks and loneliness but has mentioned that she has been actively dating within the last year to her family without making mention of anyone in particular…until this actual debut followed by a public appearance together in attendance at the BET Awards this July.
Many are wondering as they do with most women who have clean “good girl” images, what in the hell she is doing with him and if it should be taken seriously.
After reading excerpts from a radio interview with Birdman earlier this month, he states that Braxton is “The homie”. I recall Jay Z saying the same for years of Beyonce Knowles during their rumored dating relationship prior to their secret wedding ceremony. So what makes an experienced woman in her mid-40s with so much going for her decide to date a guy who is so rough around the edges as well as on paper in comparison to a younger less experienced woman?
Let’s first bring attention to the fact that Toni has been through a divorce. Now if you’ve been in a long term relationship with someone and beared children with that person and it was a loving relationship, yet you had your issues and things didn’t work out, it’s tough to get back into the dating pool. Especially as a celebrity. Sure you have a large dating pool of people to choose from but you’re super selective most of the time because everyone in Hollywood seems to date each other at some point in time.
Coming out of a divorce and choosing to remain single for a while and focus on herself and her children has been wise and through that time Toni has been a listening ear to all of her sister’s relationship drama. From infidelity, possible children outside of marriages, divorces, separations, and re-marrying, just to name a few. Most people would want to just stay out of the dating pool altogether and occasionally get laid by their ex-husband…which Toni has kept no secret.
Once you do decide to get onto the dating scene again though, you’re super careful of whom you give your time and attention to. You think, “I’ll stick to the nice guys.” Maybe the cornballs, or the squares. Guys that have themselves together and not too much drama or media surrounding them. You learn quickly though that most of the “nice guys” you meet are just assholes in disguise who were lying to lure you in. It’s pure exhaustion. A woman in the late 30s or 40s who has been through marriage and is raising two young men while living a busy life and has a career of their own may not be considering marriage at this point and really just needs some “special attention” now and then.
Dating for marriage may no longer be in the picture for her and what the public thinks is not a topic for concern because she simply wants someone to think of her and her own satisfaction. The worrying if your partner will cheat, why they are coming home late, balancing each other’s accounts, and whatever else has been experienced in failed relationships is not a desire she wishes to sign up for or risk dealing with right now. So a love affair, be it short or however long it will last seems ideal.
Listen, at the end of the day it is her life to live. It does not affect anyone else but her. I personally can’t see Toni Braxton bringing Birdman to her child’s high school graduation or shacking up with him, but she is a grown woman. If he is her boo thang, boyfriend, or whatever she is calling him so be it. As long as she’s happy and he’s giving her whatever it is she is seeking from it without harm let it be. She’s already made a name for herself that I can’t possibly see her ruining for the sake of some sporadic nightly fun. Ms. Braxton is a wise woman, let’s give her that.
So go ‘head Ms. Braxton. Get your groove back!