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Why am I single?

Why am I single?

Why am I single? That’s probably the worst question you could ask me on any given day. You see, for those who have been with their significant others for years or haven’t stepped into the dating scene in the last decade they haven’t got a clue what it’s like trying to find a match. While for some, it’s fairly easy to hop from one relationship to the next with little worry over compatibility or chance for longevity, for myself that’s a thing of the past. Most people don’t plan when they commit to someone, they just let it happen. But when you’re dating with the intent to commit to the last person you’ll have to commit to you go about things differently.

So I’m single because I spent a lot of time looking for qualities in guys that at one point I realized I didn’t have. So I took a hiatus to focus on me. Not enough people do this. Taking the time necessary to acquire the qualities and things you want your partner to be able to offer you is only fair. That includes getting a place on your own, getting your finances in order, maybe taking better care of your health. You can’t expect to meet someone who has it altogether but your life is a hot mess. I am being molded into the right person that my match needs me to be.

I am also single because in my early years the only thing I was sure that I wanted for my life was to be a wife. I knew nothing about myself, my passions, my purpose. I had taken no time to figure it out. I even recall choosing to study Interior Decorating because my boyfriend at the time was an Architect. Sure, I loved watching HGTV for hours but once that relationship ended I realized I could not see myself decorating any home other than my own. So time had to be taken to figure out and focus most of my attention on this aspect of my life and what career path meant the most to me.

Being single happens to be my choice as it does not mean I want to be alone forever, but how many people these days actually understand the value of being in a relationship with someone who is trustworthy, loves you equally, and puts your best interest at heart? Not many. In fact most singles between the ages of 30-40 in NYC are not looking for a serious relationship…Which leads to the next reason I am single.

I’m single because 98% of the guys I meet are just looking to hook up. Not everyone will admit it and more people should. There are women who aren’t ready to settle down and would gladly accept the offer but I understand that many men love to win a challenge. So we have individuals who admit that they are looking for sex or friends with benefits and then we have individuals who are playboys in disguise that will woo you, pursue you, and manipulate you til no end. Leaving you to believe they want relationships, families, the whole shabang…Until you get the 2am dick pic!

You guessed it…I’m also single because chivalry and waiting may have just gone out the window with Generation X. Being respectful of ladies isn’t the norm anymore and guys believe that the one way they can land and keep a woman is by offering her sex. I don’t completely blame them either, for we have many women of my generation who are easily flattered by these actions and don’t require much effort before being bedded. Leaving us ladies to be given the third eye when we say we’re waiting to be in a serious relationship.

Last but not least, I’m still single because a status doesn’t define if I’m worthy of being with someone. People quickly assume there is something wrong with you, no one wants you, or that you drive partners away. On the contrary, there have been opportunities to commit to guys but I just don’t see a reason to commit to anyone I don’t see making a good husband, protecting me, a hard worker, good decision maker, and someone I have a chemistry with like no other and whom can stimulate me intellectually. It goes far beyond physical attraction for me and knowing that the next person should be my very last everything is the only intent I have when I’m asked…”Why are you single?”

A letter to my 17 year old self: A talk for teens

A letter to my 17 year old self: A talk for teens

A letter to my Strong Single Black Women (A collaboration with Lacy Colson III)

A letter to my Strong Single Black Women (A collaboration with Lacy Colson III)

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