My love life year end review '16
Man was 2016 a year for me in love…a few handfuls of disappointments, a couple mistakes, and many more lessons learned. Many of which I’ve shared with you all. I’m sure most are wondering where they stemmed from, how I managed to cope or get through each of them, and where I stand now that we are ready to embark on a new year. So here it is…
My most emotional quarter of the year, more specifically the month of February. Not because of Valentine’s day but because I chose to reach out to someone who at one point I deeply cared about and saw a future with. We hadn’t spoken in more than half a year and I hadn’t quite received the closure I actually needed. Besides that, I genuinely wanted to know how they were doing. Upon reaching out, I also asked who they’d been vacationing with when they mentioned an upcoming getaway. Big mistake, BIG BIG MISTAKE. Having to learn that they were taking a “Bae-cation” I realized I wasn’t prepared for this new information.
The call ended and I got no closure, I in fact ended the call abruptly and forced all of my feelings into journaling. At the time, I thought I saw this individual as the closest thing to my ideal mate as possible and couldn’t see myself getting any closer than what I saw in them. It sprung a lot of fuel that I used to be productive with my emotions. I needed a breather. I needed to figure out what I needed to do to attract the ideal mate I had in mind. So I started focusing on myself, my passion, and my now brand that you see here.
Thanks to the one very emotional setback of February ’16, I was able to create and launch Iamcarlashley.com in April ’16…Everything that I am and my passion to help others through my personal struggles as well as a space that I can share my past pains with you all. Thank you Mr. First quarter ’16.
I had one date. ONE DATE. Yup, I didn’t spend a ton of time dating because I was mostly consumed with grind details and I have no regrets. How did this date go you may ask? If you know me, for the most part I rarely agree to a date if I don’t feel we’re even the slightest bit compatible and this was especially true during the 2nd quarter when I was strictly focused on business. So to say I got asked on an actual date (which doesn’t happen in today’s dating scene) was a big deal. We met for tea. First dates in my opinion shouldn’t be over the top if you’ve never met the person and just trying to feel each other out.
The tea was great! That’s about it lol An hour spent listening to details of his ex and having him invite himself to my follow up evening plans of a trip to the Brooklyn Museum. I guess I’m too nice and let him tag along. He cut people in line and I had to nearly break up a fight. (How embarrassing) Make sure you screen your dates for anger issues folks!
At this point I was actively dating again while juggling work full time as well as my attempts to build and grow my business and brand. (Or should I say I was seeking prospects since there were no actual dates) I wasn’t having much luck finding what I was looking for locally so I decided to broaden my horizons and become open to dating out of state for a long distance relationship. I fell hard. Really hard, for a guy who seemed like everything I was looking for but, there’s always a but, he moved way too fast. We never had a chance to meet because he wasn’t consistent yet it seemed as though I was being manipulated. One thing you should never feel is forced to commit to anyone or anything before you are at ease with the entire situation.
Mr. 3rd quarter disappeared with no heads up for a complete month. No returned calls or texts and then reappeared wanting to move even quicker than we initiated. Taking no regard to my skepticism of his absence or my choice to be cautious I decided to cut ties. I honestly believe that no type of relationship should take so much effort in the early stages and should flow naturally. If you are doing a lot of second guessing or the person has no regards for your feelings then move on.
Thank you Mr. 3rd quarter, as you were the reason I finally decided to stop dating altogether and really just focus on finding my happiness within myself. Finally taking the time necessary to be completely selfish and not have to give of myself to someone who wouldn’t be able to give the same in return. Once you find your happy place, and I mean truly find happiness without anyone else, you won’t be able to let anyone in who will compromise what such a great feeling is. Hold onto that happiness and aim to have someone add to it, not deplete it.
The final months arrived of 2016 and I truly had no urge to date, go on dates, or engage in pointless convos with anyone. Each time I’d make the effort I’d get nothing but one word replies, or guys who admitted they were married or living with their girlfriends, or just guys who weren’t looking for anything more than a seasonal cuddle buddy. That’s not something I was willing to sign up for knowing it’d only be short term.
As far as online dating went, I may log on here or there out of pure boredom or to empty inboxes. Sometimes I meet more and more of the guys listed above and then by chance I may just match with someone who I have pretty decent conversation with. In the end of it all I’ve learned to not have any expectations and try to find reasons to laugh everything whether good or bad. Having expectations mostly always ends in disappointment. Not being a Debbie Downer here, but it’s true.
For 2017, my goal as a single woman in NYC is to have fun through it all. This is something I’ve not focused on doing as many people who want a relationship put too much thought into finding someone or why they aren’t finding someone and they forget to have fun. I honestly haven’t had fun in a very long time. I’d like to focus on building friendships, solid stable friendships. I feel my ideal relationship will have the best potential if the prospect I put my time into is a friend who has my genuine emotional interest at heart, who is compatible in regards to life goals and morals, and overall has a thirst for exploring life’s endless activities.
Here’s to 2017 and an optimistic love life for us all!