Fear locked in happiness
I think about all of the moments in this year where I’ve been truly happy. Pure bliss. Those moments are locked away in my memory and new ones are created weekly. I categorize them by times of year, day of the week, activities pursued, and other parties involved. I look for common factors, trends, and the different levels of happiness that were experienced in each moment.
I focus on what factors are missing and what fears have been removed. When I take a moment to focus on those fears I realize that it’s that exact fear that’s kept me from reaching my peak of happiness all along.
A moment of truth. The moment of realization pointing to the fear of living in my own truth is keeping me from my full potential. The fear of letting it all out. That fear of being my true self 100% without filters. That fear of judgement and the upsetting of those who will refuse to understand me. That fear of losing those who mean so much to me. Should I fear happiness this much?
Should a person avoid that peak once it’s found if it means losing those that you’re unsure will remain in your life in the first place? Should happiness be selective, where we pick and choose when we allow ourselves to feel it? Or should we feel this emotion freely allowing it to fill us up unknowingly. Choosing to have this empty space inside that could easily be filled with happiness is tormenting when you know that it could be unlocked...if only we had the courage to let go of that fear.