I’ll admit it. I’m Scared. I’m scared of you. I’m scare of what’s unfamiliar. A thought that I find myself second guessing often because I’m uncertain of what this feeling is. For once nothing seems off. Nothing seems wrong. Nothing startles me or makes me question. It’s a feeling that just lets me be. Be in the moment and not feel harmed or forced. What should I do with this feeling?
I’m scared of everything I’m being told, not because I’ve heard these words before. No, but because every word spoken to me previously ended in pain. Every word filled with a hidden agenda. Your words seem kind, pure, and different. Not over-exaggerated, but spoken at all the right moments…It scares me.
I’m scared I’ll fuck up. Scared I’ll push you away. Scared I’ll let my fears take control and keep getting in the way. I try to ignore it, I’ll try to accept you. I try to enjoy how you make me feel but the fear is still there, the fear that none of this is real. That fear that as soon as I stop fearing… you’ll disappear or leave my mind in a place of rejection and regret. Can I stop worrying, wondering, and feeling this fear and start to experience how you’ve continued to make me feel since the moment we first met?