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30 Days

30 Days

30 Days is all it takes

30 Days is all it takes for me to miss you. It's all it takes for you to consistently be on my mind. It's all it takes for you to impose on my thoughts and movements. This endless cycle. It's beyond my control. Every 30 days your absence begins to hurt me more than I'll allow you to know.

It's not like I want you to occupy every thought or like I have nothing else going on to attend to, no. It's just that in 30 days I begin to wonder if you think of me also. It's when I finally feel I have permission to drop that wall and admit I miss you without appearing needy. For no one knows that it's you that I'd rather run to when the world is closing in. 

I don't need you. I've learned to cope with it all on my own but I want you so badly and every 30 days I'm reminded of that. I'm reminded of how you're not mine and how you're not obligated to console me when I'm empty. You're not obligated to uplift me when I'm down although all I want to do is help you carry anything that may be too heavy to carry alone.

Each 30th day is my freedom date. The day in which I feel I can freely pursue you again without looking crazy or emotionally attached but the truth is all I want is that attachment. I didn't realize it was a cycle of 30 days until the ending of each fourth week started to match.

I can't bring you closer, I can't keep you here when you are. But all I keep thinking is how many more 30 Days it will take until mine you are.

Why Wednesday

Fear locked in happiness

Fear locked in happiness

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