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How to move forward when you just don't wanna

How to move forward when you just don't wanna

I've had more days than I'd like to admit where I "Just don't wanna". It could be because I feel I'm failing myself in life, but mostly when I have felt inadequate for someone who I gave my all to. A heart that's been broken time and time again, I've gotten through it all and still I'm here kicking ass. It was NOT by any means easy and each heartbreak doesn't get easier contrary to what others might tell you. I'm here to let you know what's worked for me as it may help you or someone you know too...

First, how do you know you're experiencing heartbreak? Because if you're capable of getting through most activities effortlessly or your routine is still as easy as breathing then you can't admit its heartbreak. In my experience, heartbreak has been mostly the same but can vary. There is direct heartbreak which was caused by someone's direct action and there is indirect heartbreak which comes from the realization that the situation in which you have invested yourself will not lead to where you expected it to go. Both can hurt equally, let me explain.

Direct heartbreak can stem from infidelity, emotional, mental, or physical abuse, and even a breakup that comes from the other party with no given reason without any proper closure allowed. Indirect heartbreak occurs when two people grow apart and the high hopes that you had are now diminished, or when you've given someone your all and they disappear without notice or don't reciprocate your actions or feelings. Your expectations (which you shouldn't have had btw) are shattered and the life that you hoped would evolve with them will no longer be.

Whether you got caught up in a imaginary world of love or you were actually involved with someone who at some point admitted to having feelings for you, you now have to face reality and having our hearts accept what our minds know can be very painful. Dealing with the pain from day to day by ignoring it is not healthy but sometimes feels like the easiest way to cope. Let me tell ya, that ain't the way!

So how do you move forward when you just don't wanna? You wanna go back and reminisce day to day of the good times. You wanna see if you can rekindle things and start over. You considering letting some time pass and maybe you can work things out in the future. Whether that's a realistic option or not, what do you do in the meantime?

  1. Get moving!...No, Literally! Get active. Busy yourself. Everyone is not a fitness-aholic and while I know this, nothing feels better than blowing off steam somehow. Pound the pavement by jogging or running, get some air by going for a walk, take a boxing or kick-boxing class (Oh yea, I love this one!) Take a Yoga class, and Woos-ah the negative energy out. Just get rid of it. Grab a friend to join you for the extra push.
  2. Start to journal if you aren't already. Write it all down. The good times, the bad times. All the times, write them down. Don't re-read them until a year from now. Let it out. Grab a box of Kleenex if you must but let it out. Write a closing email to that person and never send it. Save it to drafts or send it to your bestie to just let go of it. Get it out!
  3. Clean your house! (and work spaces) You will be in a renewed space once your personal space is in order and able to think more clearly. And while we're at it...
  4. Remove all traces of them from your house. Holding on to their sweatshirt, towel, stuff in their spare drawer you kept for them, or their favorite snacks that you stash for when they visit...Get rid of it all! Mail it to them, donate it, give it to a friend, but by all means stop looking at it, sniffing it, or holding onto it. You're doing nothing but self inflicting pain. If anyone should be treating you right at this time it should be YOU.
  5. Last but not least, CALL YOUR FRIENDS! I mean your REAL FRIENDS. Not the ones who will say, "I told you so." The ones who have heard dozens of sob stories about this person you could've left a long time ago but were still your listening ear every time you wanted to give it one more chance. Your truest friend will tell you, "Wash your sheets NOW. You don't need to keep smelling them. I'm coming over and if those sheets aren't changed I'm yelling at you."

lol This could be embarrassing to hear but your support system will have your back without judgement and when you're down and don't have the internal strength to pick yourself up, you can count on them to do it for you. I'm thankful for the support of my closest friends and this blog post is solely dedicated to them. They know who they are. <3

New E-book is finally available!

New E-book is finally available!

Is celibacy a realistic option for me?