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What if it's not you...

What if it's not you...

I woke up this morning with some lingering thoughts from a conversation I'd had recently with a prospect as well as in combination of a post by Actor Michael Jai White on his Facebook page regarding his wife and soulmate. The actor expresses how lonely and miserable he is without his spouse in her absence while away shooting a film. Many of us know that loneliness even without having met our soulmate yet but we know in our hearts they are out there. Everyone may not believe in soulmates but this post is for those who do and are single.

I think we single folk put a lot of pressure on ourselves to find someone.  Tofindtheone. We see our peers in relationships, we age, we surround ourselves with family that make us feel inadequate for not "picking" someone yet. Of course we know it isn't a matter of picking the right person for us as our "pickings" would have probably landed us a long-term mate by now, right? We beat ourselves up from time to time after months, maybe years of being alone and also actively dating...maybe even in and out of a few failed relationships here or there and we begin to question, "What's wrong with me?"

Before truly being ready to receive the person that's the best fit for you of course there's a ton of soul searching to do. You need to take the time to find yourself, date people, learn your likes and dislikes, decide on your personal morals, make career changes until you are happy, and yes overall get to a place in life where you are ultimately just that. Happy.

What about the few of us who have reached that content state though? You're settled in or finally starting the career of your dreams, you're living your life's passions, you're doing all of the things you love, and you know who you are as a person. Yet still the one thing missing is your better half to share it all with? I've finally come to the conclusion for people in this case...It's not you.

Not to sound cliche but really hear me out. The theory of soulmates is that generally there is one person who is an ideal match for us and a special force will drive you together and attract you to each other. If this theory holds true and we've made sure we're completely happy individuals ready to receive our partners, what if your mate simply isn't ready for you?

We're all in different parts of our love journeys and being prepared in custom ways to fit into our matches lives including all of our personal struggles that grow us to be able to deal with whatever will come our way in the future. Some of us take longer to prepare than others and each of our individual stories will come together to make an incredible one, but consider that your mate is still working through trust issues, or learning to cope with heartbreak, or needs to master being slow to anger. Your mate could simply just be preparing themselves unknowingly for you and that isn't something that can be rushed.

I know there have been months when I was newly single years ago where I just DID NOT want to be alone and I yearned to have a partner to come home to again, but I had major trust issues. I wasn't healed from my recently failed relationship. I had a lot of self doubt and questioned my worth. How would my relationship with my supposed soulmate have been successful when I wasn't prepared to deal with someone else on a romantic level yet? I surely would've gone into a new relationship with baggage and that is not the right move. So we're put through some more heartbreak, challenges, obstacles, maybe a few more unnecessary short term romantic encounters that were set forth to put things into perspective. Those relationships happened for a very good reason, it's up to you to determine the lessons behind each one including how you can grow from them.

The best thing to do is acknowledge all of this as a possibility and be patient if you are certain you've done all the right things within yourself and continue preparing to be the best partner for your mate when they arrive. How do you know you've done all the right things?

Stay tuned...

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